This space has been quiet for more than a year. There isn’t much to say, except that it felt tonight like there were words inside of me that wanted to come out. They filled my head as last summer’s tayberries transformed, as if by magic, into popsicles.
Most of this past year has been spent thinking about our unique strengths, our skills, our ability to create purpose in this world with the power that we as individuals carry. I, who once believed that who I am was inherently wrong – stupid, worthless, damaged, unloveable – have transformed as magically as the tart berries found in my freezer. The opportunities that have come my way in the past three months have astounded me in all their perfect simplicity. All it took, so it seems, was a willingness to look into the very depths of who I am, and to truly accept where my light, my dark and my purpose stem from.
And just like that, through choice, both conscious and unconscious I find myself with the opportunity to start again. Back in the job that I left once before – broken, bruised, certain that failure had been inevitable – I find that in fact all of the failure was a factor of my mind. I find that in fact I was designed to succeed in this role, all that I have to do is trust in myself.
There is solace tonight in the familiarity of blending fruit, making simple syrup, pouring the mixture into moulds. As parallels to my past unfold in front of me, it’s impossible to keep from thinking of all the words and feelings caught up inside of me. The weight of the life I walked out on hangs heavy in my consciousness still. The ache sometimes so large it is as if I left yesterday.
And so I make popsicles.
I make popsicles, and I ground myself in the knowledge that this time is not last time.